to a certain extent, all the other festivals and holidays are very... distant. thanksgiving means close to nothing to me, easter and christmas is something our church has made a point to celebrate all the time, chinese new year is just another family gathering (which is still just the 4 of us anyway), and all these other holidays are sometimes just very pointless. but remembrance day. it takes on meaning in a very practical sense to me because... well... standing out there freezing our butts off every year isn't my idea of fun. but at the same time, i have been very willing to go out there every year, rain or shine. it is never a day i would ever complain about anything... because i know very well, and am especially reminded of on remembrance day, that i dont' know suffering. like my uncle said last night, me and josie, we don't know suffering, we don't know poverty, we don't know what it means to actually need something, all we know is "want more" as if we actually need all that stuff. and i think it's fair to say that that isn't just me and josie, that's our generation, that's the way most of the people in our generation in north america is anyway. 

and i'm so glad that i'm very conscious of that, and that my parents always remind me that i am not in need of anything, because everything that i need is taken care of. and i have made it a point not to whine and complain and say stupid things like i need this and i need that or i want this and i want that. all these other people... they think their lives are horrible and they lack all these other things. i have no sympathy for them, we don't know suffering, we don't know what it means to be in need.

it was my second year being cenotaph guard. last year was stressful, cause i had all these people watching when i marched on. and i mean... all the attention was on me. and this year, i took the shift that was right before the parade started, so it wasn't even close to being how it was last year, almost simply cause there were less people around. and i was there longer this year... and i really took the time and asked myself... why am i doing this? why am i here when all the rest of my friends are still in bed? but more... why am i willing and volunteering to do this when i very well could have just stayed home being all warm and cozy? no, not because i'm a cadet, and the parade is "mandatory", but because it was the least that i could do for all the veterans that gave up their lives for me. and i really mean that... it was the least that i could do.