Å¥¨ìWendy¤J°|¡M¯uªº¦³ÂI¾á¤ß¡C¦ýªñ¨ÓÅ¥¨ì³o­ÓAuntie¦³¨Æ¡M¨º­ÓAuntie¦³¯f¡M©Î¨ä¥L¬Y¬Y¤H¦³¤°»ò¤£¦p·Nªº¡M´NÀ´±o§ó¿³©¯§Ú­Ì®a¸Ì¨C¤H³£°·±d¡C©Î³\¦]¬°¶ý¶ý´¿¸g¦³¯f¡M§Ú­Ìµ´¹ï©ú¥Õ©M²M·¡°O±o®a¸Ì¦h¤F¤@­Ó¯f¤H¦ÛµM¹ï¤j®a±a¨ÓµL§ÎªºÀ£¤O¡C¨ä¹ê¥ÍÂ÷¦º§O¥»¨Ó´N¬O³Ì¦ÛµMªº¡M¦ý¦]¬°§Ú­Ì¹ï¤H¥Íªº°õµÛ¥O§Ú­Ì¹ï³o¥Í©Rªº¦ÛµM©w«ßÅܱo¤£¥Ì¤ß¡C¤S©ÎªÌ¬O¦]¬°¤HÃþ¤£Â_ªº¶i¨B¡M¥O§Ú­Ì¹ï«Ü¦h¤H©M¨Æ³£©ñ¤£¤U¡M¥O§Ú­Ì¹ï¤@¤Á¤@¤Á³£Åܱo§ó¦³­n¨D¡C

°µÀ¸ªº®É­Ô¡M¦³¤H·|®öº©ªº°Ý±m­iªººÉÀY¬O¤°»ò¡C¦Ó¨C¨C³£¦³¤H·|°Ý¡M¤H¥ÍªººÉÀY¤S¬O¤°»ò-- ¦Ó§Ú´¿¸g¥ç«Ü·Q¬°³o­Ó°ÝÃD§ä¥Xµª®×¡C¦ý²{¦bªº§Ú¡M§Ú¥u¦³¿³½ìª¾¹D¤Ó¶§¤É°_«á·|¬O«ç»òªº¤@¤Ñ¡C¤@¤Ñ¹L«á¡M§Ú¬é·Qª¾¹D©ú¤Ñ·|§_§óºë±m¡C

¬Û«H¨C¤@­Ó¤H³£·|·Q¹L¦pªG§Ú­Ìª¾¹D©ú¤Ñ´N·|¦º¡M§Ú­Ì³Ì·Q°µªº¬O¤°»ò¡M§Ú­Ì³Ì¿³©¯ªº¤S¬O¤°»ò¡C°O±o¦³¤@¤Ñ§Ú²×©ó¬°¦Û¤v§ä¨ì¤Fµª®×¡C§Ú¤@¥Í³Ì¥O§Ú·P¨ì©¯ºÖªº´N¬O³o»ò¦h¦~¨Ó¡M³£¦³¤T­Ó³Ì¯k§Úªº¤H¦b§Ú¨­Ãä¡M³­§Ú¦¨ªø¡C¤£ª¾¹D±q¨º®É¶}©l¡M§Ú²×©ó·P¨ü¨ì¡Mª¨¶ý¬°§Ú©M©j©j¯uªº¥I¥X¤F«Ü¦h¡C±q¤¤¤s¦^¨Ó¥H«á¡M§Ú§ó²×©ó©ú¥Õ¬°¤°»òª¨ª¨·íªì¨º»ò°í«ù­n¦^¥[®³¤j¡C¦Ó¦pªG§Ú¯uªº¦º¤F¡M§Ú¥u§Æ±æ¥L­Ì¹Lªº¨C¤@¤Ñ³£¬O¨º»ò¦³·N¸q¡M¨C¤@¤Ñ³£¬O´r§Öªº¡C¤S©ÎªÌ´N¬O±q¨º®É­Ô¶}©l¡M§Úª¾¹D§Ú¤w¨S¸ê®æ¦A¥s¦Û¤v°µ¤@­Ó°ò·þ®{¡M¦]¬°§Ú¹çÄ@¹ê¹ê¦b¦bªº·P¨ü©MªÖ©w®a¤H¹ï§Úªº¤£Â÷¤£±ó¡C¦b¬Yµ{«×¤W¡M§Ú¤w¹ï¨º©Î¯u©Î°²¡M©Î¦³©ÎµLªº«H©À·P¨ì«Ü¯h­Â¡C·í§Úµoı§Ú³Ì¿³©¯ªº¤£¬O¯à»{ÃѨì¤W«Ò¡M§Ú³Ì§Æ±æªº¤£¬O§Ú®a¤H¯à»{ÃѤW«Òªº®É­Ô¡M©ÎªÌ§Ú¤w¸g¤£¦AºÙ±o¤W¬O¤@­Ó°ò·þ®{¡C

§Ú¥Ã»·³£·|¬Û«H³o¥@¬É¬O¦³¥D®_ªº¡M¦ý©ÎªÌ¥u­n§Ú¹Lªº¨C¤@¤Ñ³£¬O¨º»ò¦³·N¸q¡M³£¬O¨º»ò´r§Ö¡M¨º¥D®_¬O½Ö¤w¸g¤£¦A­«­n¡C¦Ó§Ú¤]¦A¨S¦³¤O®ð¥h¬ã¨s¨s³º³o¦ì¥Í©Rªº¥D®_¬O½Ö¡C§Ú°O±o´¿¸g¦³¤H»¡¹L¡M´Nºâ¦pªG¨ì³Ì«á¨S¦³­C¿q³o­Ó¤H¡M¥L³£¤£·|«á®¬¡M¦]¬°¥Lª¾¹D¥L¹L¤F¤@­ÓÂײ±ªº¤H¥Í¡C¦P¼Ë¡M´Nºâ¨ì§Ú¦º¤F¥H«á¤~µoı¯uªº¦³­C¿q¡M§Ú¤]¯à°÷»¡¡M¦Ü¤Ö§Ú¹Lªº¨C¤@¤Ñ³£¬O¨º»ò¦³·N¸q¡M©ÎªÌ¤w¸g¨¬°÷¡C

·íªì§Ú¬Û«H¬O¦]¬°§Ú»Ý­n¬Û«H¡M¦ý¤µ¤Ñ§Ú§ó¬Û«H©R¹B¬O´x´¤¦b¦Û¤v¤â¤¤¡M¦Ó§Ú­Ì¨C­Ó¤H³£¯à¬°¦Û¤vµe¥X¦Û¤v¬üÄRªº±m­i¡M¦Ó±m­i­I«áªº¬G¨Æ¥çÀ³¸Ó¥Ñ¦Û¤v¥h½s¼g¡C³Ì²³æ¡M³Ì¯Â¯u¡M³Ì¥­¤Zªº¥Í¬¡¥Ã»·³£¬O³ÌÃø±o¡C

I've been trying to put my schedule together for next semester, and I am really starting to feel that it is all going to happen... that I am really going into Nursing. When I look back to the last few years, beginning from grade 11, it's almost like a big joke, like I am just going back and forth with all of this. I love the recreation field, and I am so proud to be in the field, but many people wonder, like helen asked, why would I give it up when I have such a passion for it? But to me, I am not giving anything up. It is precisely because I fully understand what recreation is about, I know it isn't something that I could just throw away because I am not in the program... it is precisely because I fully understand what recreation is, I know I will continue to live and breath recreation, even when I am in Nursing. In fact, it is because I know what recreation is about, it will make me become that much better of whoever I become. And I know, I will stay in the field, and even though it is not a promise I am willing to commit to, I do think I will get my degree in recreation after the Nursing degree. Just because I will no longer be part of the Langara recreation program, it does not make me any less of a recreation person, and to be able to combine my recreation background with Nursing, I think is that much more of a gift.

It gives me much confidence in knowing that I know what I want to do with my life. I can't see myself working in a hospital for the rest of my life... I want to travel around as a nurse. In a way, I see that a Nursing degree is my ticket to every part of the world, and honestly, what could be a better career than that? My friend is looking into finishing her recreation degree in U of South Australia. If it works out for her, that may be where I am heading to as well in 3 years.

Well, there is a reason why I am saying all this... I guess I really mean to say that, I am very aware of what I am doing.  I have a very clear sense of direction and I know very well what I am doing right now and where I am heading... including where I am at in regards to my relationship with God. I will put it right up front, and be honest to say that, I have only been to church a few times after I came back from China 4 months ago. I have a lot of good reasons, or excuses as you guys may see them as, but I don't think those are things you want to hear. But something else that I know you don't want to hear is that, I am very happy and content with where I am at in life, and that includes where I am at with God.

I guess Iris kinda got it from me on Saturday when she asked me why I wasn't going to BSF. To be honest, it got frustrating and almost annoying how it seemed like all I was hearing from Helen and Lynn every time I talked to them was about how I should go to BSF, as if there was something wrong in me not going. I know it's "good", and I know it's cause you guys care, and I guess it's my fault cause I haven't kept you guys updated with what's happening in my life, and I admitt it's so much easier for me to go on without your little reminders.

I am very happy right now, and I don't feel that I am losing out anything by not attending church or not going to BSF. In fact, what I do see is that at least I get to spend Sunday mornings with my family before I head to work, which really is a huge bonus for our family now, especially seeing that Josie will be leaving in the next year or two. And it is not like I have just walked away from God and don't care anymore, I do devotions every night and I always pray. God is constantly on my mind. I know, I have heard it many times, noone can really be a Christian without attending church, but by attending church does not make me a better Christian. I know I haven't learned much in our sermons, and nothing in Sunday School, in the past two years. I know we need fellowship with brothers and sisters, but I do have a circle of Christian friends. So what am I missing out on?

There's probably so much more you guys can say to encounter every point I make, but I don't put this out there because I need any of you to tell me why I should attend church or why I should go to BSF. I put this out here right now because I want you to know I am very aware of what I am doing, it's not like I am lost and need directions or guidance... I know exactly where I am going, and I know exactly where to go when I need that spiritual nourishment. If you know anything about me, I am very stubborn, and you telling me ten billion more times that I should go to BSF is not going to make me go; if anything, it's going to turn me away. And if you know anything more about me, I will only feel secure and peaceful when I know exactly where I am going. I admitt that even after all these years, I am still not able to let go of everything and leave everything in God's hands, I am not even close to being able to do that, simply because I go into panic mode when I don't know where I am going and what I am doing. And that has become even more apparent to me after I've begun driving, I always make my dad tell me exactly where I am going before I even start the car, because I simply cannot drive around with no destination, even though I am more sure than anything that my dad will take care of me.

I say all this in hope that you guys will really understand the real reason why I haven't been going to BSF, because it just comes down to that, I know "not able to go because I stay at school til 5:30" is simply one of those stupid reasons that basically means "I don't want to come". I was getting tired of myself for using stupid reasons like that because I know how frustrated I get when my senior cadets always told me that they couldn't show up because "they are busy" when none of them could be anymore busier than me and that they are just giving me stupid excuses. If I can get off school at 5:30 and somehow make it to cadets and change into uniform by 6:45, there really isn't a good enough reason why I "can't" go to BSF, except the fact that it isn't important enough to me for me to make that effort.

So I have put this all out in complete honesty, you guys may judge me for it, you guys may not agree with my rationale. But again, I am not saying this trying to convince anybody of anything, because I don't think I need to do any convincing, as long as I know what I am doing and that I am not hurting anyone around me. I just hope that maybe you guys will understand.

Well... this was obviously a post expected to come, yet one of those that I don't even know where to begin. I spent almost 3 months away from home... no, it really wasn't a long period of time, but enough to open my eyes just a little more.

I have tried begin writing this entry quite a few times but ended up deleting all of it... why? Possibly because I cannot possibly put what I experienced these past three months in words... I cannot even begin to put in words what a difference the past three months have made in my life. No, I cannot say I came back a different person... but I think I came back with different values and new perspectives, and more... I've realized what is it and who are the people that I hold closest to my heart.

I have seen quite a bit these past few months that I don't think it's possible for me to tell all the little stories, but I truly have experienced and realized what education can do for the little minds in those kids, and what a difference we can really make in these kids' lives. Education is not just about teaching them something new, but more about empowering them with knowledge. I am very interested in doing something like that again, but I would rather go to less fortunate places like GuongXi or more remote places where the kids really don't have much; I won't mind even if I don't get paid.

I think I will leave my China experience at that for now, I can tell you more in person if you want... but I don't want to force myself to write anymore than what comes to mind. All in all, it was an amazing experience and one that I will remember for a lifetime. As for HK... there's not much to say. You all know how I feel about HK, it is a very special place to me, and one that I will always call home, with people that I will always love and miss and ones that truly love me and care so much about me. I miss HK more than ever, but it gives me comfort knowing deep in my heart that one day I will return to that place for good, and it gives the greatest comfort knowing no matter how far away I am and how long I am gone for, those people will always love me and care for me.

I am praying for sylvan and charing... like I said to Helen, I care a lot about the two of them, but if they can allow themselves to just get back together like that, then there's nothing much left for me to do or say. I don't have the energy to worry about those two, and quite frankly, me worrying or not makes no difference and it's not for me to decide whether they should be back together or not, so I will leave it all to the hands of God. I saw it coming when Sylvan went back to church... I knew charing wasn't over sylvan all along, and the other way around... so I'm not surprised in anyway by all means... how do I feel about it? well it doesn't really matter, so all I can do is pray. And there's also BSF... I'm praying about it too, so we'll see if God opens that door for me. As for the rest... well I'm just working F/T now, and will be taking 7 courses in September. It'll be my last academic semester... I'll be doing my internship in January and then graduate in May, so I want to do well this upcoming semester and work hard to get a good internship placement. As for work... well I'm trying to get a job in Rmd for September... I have applied to a couple of places and we'll see how those go... but I mean, I've always got sportmart as a backup XD but I think I've had enough of retail business... x.x So yah, just a couple things to pray about... Helen's right though, we should meet up again after lindy comes back, I miss talking to you guys

after i finally finished my exams and things, i was expecting this huge sense of relief. but instead, i feel weighed down by this huge sense of... stress and pressure... this need to scream and cry. like i want to scream right now and i want to bawl my eyes out for some reason. i feel even more tired than before my exams. i guess this was kinda expected... i was so stretched and tensed for so long... but now without work and school and cadets and all that stuff all of a sudden, i just feel like... *flop*

my mom was telling me all these things about the trip and how to behave and all that stuff, and the more she talked, the more frustrated and annoyed i felt inside. it's not her fault... but the more she talked, the more i feel this stress bubbling in me. and i just started crying without wanting to. she was like... "what the crap". and then i got her frustrated cause i don't even know how to explain to her why i needed to cry. even my back has been hurting more in the last few days >_>

i don't know what it is though. maybe it's because i knew what i was doing all this time and had so much "purpose" and just so much to do, but all of a sudden, it feels like everything's done and wrapped up, and there's nothing to do anymore so i feel like i'm without a purpose? i don't know. like i'm serious when i said i feel so out of place not working. right now i just feel like having a very very long uninterrupted sleep, just a very long comforting relaxing sleep.

i'll continue to pray about it and hopefully God will take that weight off me, whatever is causing it. it'll be quite an adventure coming my way, and i really need all the strength i have. truth is, i am scared. i'm super excited and looking forward to it, but i don't think i can lie to myself and say that excitement is all i feel. i am scared. 4 months is a long time to be away from home. and as much travelling as i have done, and as much "stuff" as i have done with cadets and all... this is far different, i don't have a "support group". when i look back, i would never say i was spoiled... i kind of take in offensively if anyone said i was spoiled... but i have always been blessed with always having people there supporting me through good and bad times. and during the hardest moments, i'd always have someone pulling me through. but this time... i won't have anyone to lean back on.

this is an opportunity from God though, i never would have expected all this to have actually worked out. and i know God is going to teach me to rely on him, He will teach me to let go and let him lead me, cause as far as i know, i don't know where i am going XD i know there will be many lessons learned in the coming 4 months, and i guess that is kinda why i'm scared. i don't want to grow up, i don't want to have things any different than how it is. as much as i know it'll only get better, it is intimidating to know things will be vastly different after these 4 months.

maybe that's it... i feel so vulnerable about growing up. being in college and this past year almost has allowed me not to grow up. the transition between graduating to starting a whole new chapter of life was actually quite ironic for me. graduating from highschool, it pushed me to grow up and mature and actually make choices that make a difference. but after graduating... being in a program didn't necessarily mean everything was spoonfed to us, but things were very structural. it became very clear to me what i needed to do in the next few years and it seemed like i could just see my life unfold in front of me, almost all too quickly. but even though life moved on very quickly, i was easily able to keep up with that, because well... that's where God led me and i can simply say that God prepared me well for that quick change and after adapting to that, things just went along at steady speed.

working... you would think that working so much makes a person grow up and whatnot, but working at sportmart... didn't need me to grow up? i was the baby of the store, they were all so sweet, they all took care of me. i always felt so loved there. and as much as i do get fed up there sometimes, especially during the last month working there, it really was fun working with most of those guys and i couldn't have asked for better colleagues. it's unbelievable how tight we are.

i'm just gonna stop now. writing all that (much more than i intended to write), sorting myself through all that kinda made me feel less weighed down. sorting through all that brought me to one conclusion, rely on God cause only He knows what is about to come my way and only He will be able to bring me through it. that is always a lesson i have yet to learn.

whao... 4 months. i cannot even begin to imagine what life would be like when i come back to this place 4 months later.

i love my mommy <3

this is another very apparent and obvious change I have seen myself go through in the past year, becoming so much more attached to my family, especially my mom. I think this began when my parents have become very supportive with me going into college, and when my dad kept assuring me that he will support me whatever decision I made regarding post secondary as long as it was something I wanted to do. That meant the world to me, to get their approval. I decided early in grade 12 that there was no way I would go into universities. Surely I knew I would get accepted if I wanted to, but also with the same certainty I knew I would not have survived even if I got into a university. And to get the support from my parents... it really meant the world to me. I felt so blessed to be placed in such a traditional Chinese family, yet have parents who are willing to step out of that stereotypical Chinese parents image. There is nothing in the world that makes me feel more blessed than have a mom and a dad that want nothing but the best for me, that truly and geniunely want nothing but for me to be happy and do what makes me happy.

Over the past year, my mom has asked me quite a few times "are you happy?". And I have been able to say with complete honesty that... yes i am, I truly am so happy. And I know so well that my parents have contributed so greatly to the true joy and happiness that I feel from in to out, head to toe. There is hardly anything I can complain about. Yes I'm tired... Yes I miss my bed... Yes there are things that I wish were "better"... but No I have no complaints. And why? Because my parents have done everything they possibly could to help me choose a path that I am happy to walk on.

I know it probably sounds weird, but I really love my parents more and more everyday. Everytime I look back to the past years, I thank God for bringing me this much closer to my family. Remember the years that going home was the last thing I wanted to do, and all the years that I hated being with my family and did everything I could to hurt my parents. And now... now... whenever I am upset, my parents is the first ones that come to my mind, and going home is the first thing I want to do. I spend the happiest times with my family, and there always seems to be laughter in this house now. Me, my mom and Josie laugh about the stupidest things. Me and Josie could just be talking on the phone and just laugh for no apparent reason, and people would look at me weird on the bus XD And I know my parents, especially my mom, have done so much to keep up with me and Josie.. we are growing up, spending less time at home, but my parents have worked hard to make sure whatever time we do have at home are quality time and that we still have time to talk and "communicate" with each other. I even enjoy when my mom does her little nagging throughout the day, because it just reminds me of how much she loves me and how I am still the little girl in her eyes.

Yet despite how I'm still her little girl, my mom has worked so hard to let me go. I know so well that allowing me to leave her side and go to China for four months is a big step for her to take, a huge step. It really screamed out to me how much she loves me, and how much she is willing to do to allow me to do what I want to do, to have my dream come true. There is no better feeling than to know so well that there is someone in the world that loves you this much, no matter what you have done in the past.

And my dad... there is just no better dad in the world than he. Yah he's weird and unreasonable at times, and got some attitude at other times. But bottom line is, he's an awesome husband and a better dad. He would do anything in the world for us, and he is just so supportive when I need him to support me. He doesn't just agree with whatever I say or do, but he offers insight to what I have to say and what I plan to do. He's not educated, no... but he definitely is an intelligent and wise man. I love my daddy.

Leaving them for four months will be so hard, just watch me bawl my eyes out at the airport... when just a few years ago, I would have been so glad to get away from them. God has done amazing things and I am just so grateful. They are like... my parents... and best friends. After all these years... seeing people walk in and out of my life... I remember my mom said so long ago that... one day you will realize the only people you know you can totally and completely trust are your parents and sister. And today, when I look at the people around me, the only people that I am totally willing to completely rely on really are my parents and sister. Yes, friends are good, some of my friends are the bestest, but there's noone like mommy and daddy and Josie. We have all been betrayed by "best friends", and I'm sure I will experience more pain... but I know I can always run to my mommy and cry ^_^

i find that present buying has come to be such a chore for me... especially for my peer friends. kids are easy to buy presents for... toys, candies, chocolates... etc. older people you just get food for them. but people in our age group... what the heck do you buy for them, unless you know exactly what they want.

me and mom were talking about this, and we figured that one of the reasons why buying presents for people is so hard nowadays is that people have too much. people have everything that they need... and so much more, and everything else they want more of are probably not things you would buy for them, and everything else that they don't want... well they don't want it >_> and people are so hard to please these days, so hard to get them something they like; again, because they have so much already.

i don't remember when present buying began to become a chore for me... something i have had such great difficulty with. even for people that are close to me... but maybe that's why it's harder, cause i'd more concerned what they'll think of it.

just yesterday, this 4 year old kid came to my house. my mom gave him 3 oranges to take home, and he got so happy XD and i showed him how he could make a micky mouse head with 3 oranges, and he just had this huge smile on his face. and me and mom were just like "you can please a kid so easily... get them something at a dollar store, they'll be happier than a woman getting a diamond ring from a jewellery store". and it's just so true. since when have we become so materialistic and just want so much, and expect people to get us all this "stuff" for our supposed special days.

and then i looked at myself. i'm so glad that even after all these years of working and making money to pay for my own stuff, and slowly making more and more money and being able to pay for most of my own things and not asking mom for anymore money, mom continuously reminds me not to be materialistic and not to just spend money because i have it, but i should still consider how much i need it and how much i want it even if it's something i can easily afford. my mom never interferes with how i spend the money that i make, she's very clear that it is my money and i should be able to spend it however way i want. but she does give me reminders about how i should save my money for the future, especially now that i do make enough money that i can save most of it... and she points it out to me during times when i become materialistic.

and then i thought of what goes through my head when it is not a typical present that i receive. i remember the conversation i had with my sister once "there are times when i would rather people don't get me anything than to just get me randomly anything because they couldn't think of anything to get me". and you know what... i still stick by that today. like... if you are just going to give me a stupid gift, just don't give me anything at all; while some people say that they dont' mind if you don't get anything for birthday or whatever, i honestly mean it when i say that, i seriously could not care less. you getting me a present or not is not going to make me like you more or less in any way. heck i don't even ever remember who gave me what for which occassion unless it's a really special gift.

i seriously don't like buying presents for people. i think i'm going to begin sending more gift certificates out soon. i just think that's a much better present for people when you don't know what to get for them... it's either that or you are all getting things from sportmart XD before i give my two weeks, that is...

the only presents that i'll actually give some thought into in the near future is probably just... alex's grad present XD and even that is not gonna be that great, especially if i'm not gonna be around for their graduation. he gave me a really sweet present for grad though, so i'm gonna feel bad if i screw his up, hehe so we'll see how it goes. and i'll get flowers for phoebe if i'm actually around for their ceremony. but for birthdays and stuff... i'm seriously starting to get tired for birthday presents. i used to think of birthdays as huge, but now it's just another excuse to gather with friends and have fun. i guess 18 years of it is enough, lol.

so i have been giving a lot of thoughts as to what i want to do for my summer this year. the more i "grow up" the more often i remind myself that i cannot and don't want to waste any time. it isn't until this year that i look back and feel like i have "wasted" the last 17 years of my life. no, not that i have done nothing with my 17 years, but there are only a handful of things that when i look back, i truly feel that it was worthwhile, that my time was well spent.

while thinking about my summer, a lot of options came up. a lot of things that i want to do, a lot of things that i don't want to do, a lot of things that i should do, a lot of things that i can do. summer school... take a bio course that counts towards my nursing credit, find out for myself whether i want to go into nursing or not. but as i have given it more thought, i started asking myself... is it that i want to take the course to find out whether i want to take nursing or not... or is it that i want to take the bio course to prove to myself that i don't want to go into nursing. if it's the second one... then i don't want to waste my time doing it.

sportmart... i love working with the people there, but honestly... i can't take much of the customers anymore, some of them are just so unreasonable... it's just like... what planet did you come from. and for those of the staff that have not already quit, are quitting in the next few months. but either way, i dont' think i want to spend my four months working full time there.

for now, i think if i'm gonna stay here for the four months, i'll take the TEFL certificate course while i work P/T at sportmart for a month. i really hope i get the job on cruise ships, that would be sooooo sweet. and i definitely will save up a lot of money, cause there will be nowhere to spend my money on the ship XD

one thing that keeps jumping out at me is to take a trip somewhere. i have always wanted to travel, but i guess opportunity didn't come up until now. now that i can pay for airfare and everything myself, and also have the time to. i really want to go somewhere this summer. i wanted to go back to hk, but i think i'm gonna save that for christmas, weather's nicer and it'll be fun to spend Christmas with my cousins. so me and helen thought about going to Hawaii. Hawaii has always been somewhere I wanted to go, but iunno... it doesn't seem like it's a place i want to go to now. Hawaii's all beach and sunshine and relaxing... that's not the type of place i want to go to right now. I kinda wanna go somewhere "outdated" as alex calls it... some remote place... China or something. it'll be almost impossible to go back to china with helen and you guys though... for now anyway. but like dad said, while i have the energy and the resources to do it, why not go to places like those? like... i want to go somewhere that will be eye opening. dad suggested Yunnan, rich cultural background and everything. that way, i can go to HK on my way and stay there a few days to visit my cousins and people. iunno... gonna see if josie would go with me. one thing i definitely am grateful for, thought, is definitely how supportive i know my dad will be.

but josie found this overseas english tutor thing. basically you apply to go somewhere for 1 month, 2 months, or 3 months. you spend your time there at a homestay family, teach them day to day conversational english, and they give you a place to stay, food to eat and take you around to places and such. seems really cool, and it's only like $775 for a month, that's pretty good. i'm really looking into that, maybe go to Xinjiang or Xi'an. basically i really wanna fill up this summer.

thinking about the next few years make me really excited. i'm gonna graduate from langara recr diploma april next year, then i'm probably gonna travel somewhere again. then i think i'll head to Malaspina in Nanaimo to get my degree in Recr and Tourism. I'll graduate from that three years from now. I'm only gonna be 21 when i finish my degree, that's awesome. then i'll probably take a year off to go travelling. Come back, try to get involved in 2010 olympics, then i'm getting outa here. Vancouver, that is. Have you guys seen the movie where the guy has done a lot of travelling, in hope to find a place he finds suitable to stay for the rest of his life. I'm kinda like that, I haven't found a place where I know I want to stay for the rest of my life. Not here, not HK i dont' think. There are so many places I want to go to that I don't even know where to go first, the world is too big, and everytime I think about that, I am reminded of just how little I am. I really hope that in the near future, I will meet a friend that will be able to take a year off and just travel with me. It'll be so fun to go backpacking with Charing, but we'll see where life and where God takes us. Sometimes it seems like I'm speeding along while she is still trying to figure out where she wants to be next year.

hehe wouldn't it be so romantic if i meet my boyfriend next year or something, and we go travel around the world together some years down the road. that would be like... my dream come true.

if i don't do this now, i'll never do it. and this is probably going to take me awhile to finish...

the past year has been amazing... or even just the past few months. i honestly see that God has completely taken my life to an entire different course from when i first thought it would be. still remember when i planned my whole grade 11 and 12 year out so i could go into nursing, and everything else happened, almost seeming like it was all happening to make sure i don't get into nursing. coming out of grade 12, still quite lost and confused, it was not until i finished my provincial exams that i actually applied for recreation. within 2 weeks, my provincial marks came out, i got all my requirements in, and i was accepted, and never did i expect that i was heading onto the a path that i would be so grateful to walk on.

God is truly amazing, and my walk with God has simply been that much more awesome. To be able to truly say that I experience God everyday of my life is just amazing, and I am just so humbled by the grace that God has poured down on me. My walk with God had always been like a roller coaster, and when I look back to my life now compared to how it used to be, I realize I used to live a Christian life almost for show. No, not in the sense that it wasn't real or that i was putting up an act, but in the sense that I was very conscious of the way I was acting in front of others "because I was a Christian", and I was so caught up in the midst of being aware of my actions and being concerned about how my actions would reflect on the image of Christians. To an extent, I was more caught up in all that than to actually simply try to live a life for the glory of God.

Having completely started from scratch in completely different environments have allowed me to just take everything from level 1 again. Going into Langara, first thing I wanted to do was to make friends with other Christians or join a Christian club or whatnot. Little did I know, God had a much bigger plan than that. God brought me into a group with such diversed people; in fact, the first friend that I actually made, and now one of my closer friends, is someone who had the biggest misunderstandings and the most shallow view on Christians and Christianity. I have learned to rely on God that much more in the past few months, and as a result, have allowed God to completely take control of my life and to simply allow God to fill my life. And I realize simply doing everything and living my life for Him, instead of trying to make it a point to let others know I am a Christian, is a much better and more convincing way to testify for Him to everyone around me.

God has taught me so much in this past year, about family, friends, relationships, and just life in general. God has taught me that He has everything under control, He knows what He's doing, and all I am to do is to rely on Him and know that He is with me every step of the way, and that He truly is more than enough for me. God is so amazing. He takes me back everytime I run back to Him after having tried so hard to push Him away and walk away from Him, and He is just so willing to take me into His arms and give me time to heal, no matter how broken I am, and for that, I praise Him.

resolutions... I really don't have any, except to just continue doing what I have been doing in the last bit... simply being who I am, who God intended me to be, and trying my best and work my hardest in all the areas I am involved in. If there is anything, it is simply to keep up with the 2-year Bible reading plan our congregation is start on... well... today. Basically, the 2-year Bible reading plan will take us through the Old Testament once and the New Testament twice over the next two years. I'm quite excited for this, because we will be keeping each other accountable, and I think I really will get a lot more out of this than when I did the one-year on my own.